(Does reactivating my gym membership count as progress?)
It’s been a week since the dreaded D-day. To be completely honest, I’m not really feeling much better about it all even though I know it’s progress. I know I’ll get help soon but at the minute it kind of feels like I’ve received a diagnosis and then been left to deal with it sinking in. My friends have all been great though.
I’m trying to look at BPD as just a title, it’s not a stamp I have to put on my forehead, it’s just some symptoms I will have to learn to deal with…easier said than done thinking like this but it’s what I need to keep telling myself so I don’t let it consume who I am.
I need to treat this limbo time between appointments as an opportunity to help myself. It’s challenging as my mood changes so dramatically that I go from being motivated one minute to wondering why I even bother the next. I hate being off work as it can feel quite lonely but I know I need to get better.
It’s been a mixed week of crap days and productive days. I had a fab day last Thursday at a free bracelet making workshop. It was great just zoning out and concentrating on the beads and what colours I was going to use. I made it with real gem stones and I love it! Everyone at the class was lovely and welcoming.
I’ve met some friends for coffee, gone for a few walks and managed to finally finish a book I’d been reading. I’ve also just renewed my gym membership as I get 1 month free then 3 months for £10 so I haven’t really got an excuse now!!
Instead of buying books, I have been going to my local library to save money. I’m starting to feel like Matilda as I get books recommended to me when I go in now. I’d encourage everyone to support their local libraries. They have a fantastic range of books, including new releases and you can request that they order in a book that you want to read if they don’t have it. There’s also the added bonus that if the book is naff, you haven’t spent any money on it.
The new obsession in my life is my collection of cacti and succulents. I started out with one but it looked lonely so it’s got some more spiky friends now. There’s something about them that just makes me feel a bit calmer having them in my room. I know that sounds weird but hey ho. I also like looking after them even though I’m sure the more you neglect them the happier they are…maybe they are antisocial. Anyway, there’s been a load of research into how plants are good for mental health and for the air in your home so it’s a good enough excuse to buy some.
I’ve just found out that a local garden centre has ALPACAS!! So I’m planning to visit them next week and get some cute photos.
I’ll keep plodding…