It’s not working out.
My head is currently spinning so I feel like I need to write something to try and ground myself. I was fine this morning and then *BAM*. It hit me early afternoon. It’s always one thought that then makes my head spiral out of control.
Anxiety and I have had a complex relationship for years. It never leaves my side and keeps bickering away in my head, like a tired whinging child.
It feels like that noise the computer used to make when it dialled up an internet connection. I have one million intrusive thoughts but at the same time I cannot think and it’s really noisy and muffled in my head.
I think the worst part of it is the feeling of dissociation. I know I’m here sitting at my keyboard writing but my head feels like it’s in a fish bowl. I feel like crying as it’s so debhilitating but I know I just have to ride this out until I calm down again and my anxiety decides it needs a break.
I wish I could dump my anxiety, preferably by text as that’s all it deserves, or by just ghosting it. The more I try and stop it, the worse it gets.
I know I’ll never fully ‘get over’ anxiety – it’s like we’ve got a blood pact or something, but I want to be able to turn the volume down on it for a while.
Anxiety, if you’re listening – you’re dumped!!